Wednesday, March 18, 2009
535 Fingers Pointing
The following is a letter that I sent to author and friend John Miller. John is the author of the best selling book on personal accountability QBQ! The Question Behind the Question: Practicing Personal Accountability at Work and in Life
. If you haven't read this book, I would highly recommend it to you.
Dear John,
Is it just me or are there 535 pairs of hands pointing fingers in Washington these days? All I hear on the news is how “evil AIG” is paying bonuses to their executives with taxpayers money. And who is doing this moaning and whining? That’s right, the same 435 elected members of Congress and the 100 elected Senators from around the great nation. The same 535 people who decided to grant this money “on our behalf” in the first place.
Here’s how it seems to work:
Step 1. Spend my money
Step 2. Strut around your congressional districts and boast about how you helped “the common man” with your brave decision to help the largest of the American workhorse companies. Choosing not to is a decision “you couldn’t live with.”
Step 3. Watch what happens to the money (even though what some of the money was going towards was in written contracts)
Step 4. Feign disbelief and outrage, saying you’ve been duped!
I’ll be willing to bet that the same Congressmen pass out crisp $5 bills to their local homeless pan handlers when in front of a TV crew to look compassionate yet get angry when that same “beggar” runs to the nearest liquor store for a bottle of Old Crow. “How dare they spend my money (I earn from taxpayers) on themselves.”
At least Popeye’s Whempy said he would gladly pay you a $1 tomorrow for a hamburger today. No rouse, no “smoke and mirrors,” just a simple explanation of what he was going to do with the money.
Enough with the finger pointing Washington. With 535 fingers pointing at AIG, that leaves 1605 pointing back at you!
Thanks for letting me vent! I knew you’d understand.
. If you haven't read this book, I would highly recommend it to you.Dear John,
Is it just me or are there 535 pairs of hands pointing fingers in Washington these days? All I hear on the news is how “evil AIG” is paying bonuses to their executives with taxpayers money. And who is doing this moaning and whining? That’s right, the same 435 elected members of Congress and the 100 elected Senators from around the great nation. The same 535 people who decided to grant this money “on our behalf” in the first place.
Here’s how it seems to work:
Step 1. Spend my money
Step 2. Strut around your congressional districts and boast about how you helped “the common man” with your brave decision to help the largest of the American workhorse companies. Choosing not to is a decision “you couldn’t live with.”
Step 3. Watch what happens to the money (even though what some of the money was going towards was in written contracts)
Step 4. Feign disbelief and outrage, saying you’ve been duped!
I’ll be willing to bet that the same Congressmen pass out crisp $5 bills to their local homeless pan handlers when in front of a TV crew to look compassionate yet get angry when that same “beggar” runs to the nearest liquor store for a bottle of Old Crow. “How dare they spend my money (I earn from taxpayers) on themselves.”
At least Popeye’s Whempy said he would gladly pay you a $1 tomorrow for a hamburger today. No rouse, no “smoke and mirrors,” just a simple explanation of what he was going to do with the money.
Enough with the finger pointing Washington. With 535 fingers pointing at AIG, that leaves 1605 pointing back at you!
Thanks for letting me vent! I knew you’d understand.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Creative Puns for Educated Minds
(Please insert groans as needed)
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
A little Gator fan goes to the dentist
I'm not sure whether this kid went to the dentist of just left a fraternity party with Jeff Levy.
Stoned Little Kid After Dentist Visit - Watch more Funny Videos
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Would You Have Bought Me a Beer?
So I am sitting at Nationwide Arena last night, enjoying the Blue Jackets game against Ottawa when I get up to visit the men's room. It's early third period and the Jackets are clinging to a 1-0 lead so the place is still packed and tension is starting to rise.
Our seats in section 206 (upper bowl, corner) are in the smack-ass middle of the row so deciding which way to go out is always tough. I know if I go left (which I usually do) it means that a family of 5 needs to stand up, but they give us no hassles as they are used to it. Actually, we are always friendly and thankful for their courtesy.
But last night, there was some old fart who rolled his eyes every time someone needed to exit the row. Now, keep in mind that this dill-weed never once clapped, screamed or stood up to cheer the Blue Jackets so one wouldn't even know if he was even watching the game but Lord Almighty, when someone had to leave to take a piss, he was up in arms.
So I decided that after I "went to the Urination Station to make my bladder gladder" that I would enter back in from the other aisle. I felt this guy the old fart was one more passer-by from going postal on somebody.
Now, it appears that in actuality, it is three more seats farther from the other aisle but this was my first time coming in this way so people didn't care. I made it past quickly and people didn't miss any hockey. As I am about three seats away from my own seat, this douche bag sitting next to me stands up and knocks my three-quarter full beer out of it's drink holder onto the floor.
"Oh, I knocked your beer over," he says to me. "Sorry."
That's it? Not, "Oh shit dude. My bad. Let me walk my pasty-ass down and get you another one before they close the concession stands." Not "Dude, I am soooooooo sorry. Can I repay you for the lost suds?"
Now, I was pissed off but what am I supposed to do? Get into some sort of childish "you owe me a beer, you clumsy M.F" argument right there in the stands? I mean, there are kids around and I am a mature individual (insert sarcastic laughter here). I guess I was waiting for him to come back with one of the aforementioned responses but he just crossed his legs, turned his gaze to the ice and acted like it didn't happen.
Spilled beer is always a crime but when you drop a $7.00 beer, that's damn near a felony in this beer drinker's mind. If I was this guy, I probably would have been tempted to grab the 3/4 full beer his wife's friend's husband had and give it to me. Hell, he could have repaid him after the game at a bar or at home. But no, he acted like it didn't happen.
It's a good thing the Blue Jackets won the game because if they would have lost that game and I got my beer spilled, then I might have gotten more than two minutes in the penalty box for "game misconduct."
What would you have done? Would you have run down to get a new beer for me? Offered to reimburse me? Or ignored me the way this weasel did?
I know what I'll do next time. I'll bring my god dammed beer with me to the bathroom so no one will knock it over.
Go Jackets!
Our seats in section 206 (upper bowl, corner) are in the smack-ass middle of the row so deciding which way to go out is always tough. I know if I go left (which I usually do) it means that a family of 5 needs to stand up, but they give us no hassles as they are used to it. Actually, we are always friendly and thankful for their courtesy.
But last night, there was some old fart who rolled his eyes every time someone needed to exit the row. Now, keep in mind that this dill-weed never once clapped, screamed or stood up to cheer the Blue Jackets so one wouldn't even know if he was even watching the game but Lord Almighty, when someone had to leave to take a piss, he was up in arms.
So I decided that after I "went to the Urination Station to make my bladder gladder" that I would enter back in from the other aisle. I felt this guy the old fart was one more passer-by from going postal on somebody.
Now, it appears that in actuality, it is three more seats farther from the other aisle but this was my first time coming in this way so people didn't care. I made it past quickly and people didn't miss any hockey. As I am about three seats away from my own seat, this douche bag sitting next to me stands up and knocks my three-quarter full beer out of it's drink holder onto the floor.
"Oh, I knocked your beer over," he says to me. "Sorry."
That's it? Not, "Oh shit dude. My bad. Let me walk my pasty-ass down and get you another one before they close the concession stands." Not "Dude, I am soooooooo sorry. Can I repay you for the lost suds?"
Now, I was pissed off but what am I supposed to do? Get into some sort of childish "you owe me a beer, you clumsy M.F" argument right there in the stands? I mean, there are kids around and I am a mature individual (insert sarcastic laughter here). I guess I was waiting for him to come back with one of the aforementioned responses but he just crossed his legs, turned his gaze to the ice and acted like it didn't happen.
Spilled beer is always a crime but when you drop a $7.00 beer, that's damn near a felony in this beer drinker's mind. If I was this guy, I probably would have been tempted to grab the 3/4 full beer his wife's friend's husband had and give it to me. Hell, he could have repaid him after the game at a bar or at home. But no, he acted like it didn't happen.
It's a good thing the Blue Jackets won the game because if they would have lost that game and I got my beer spilled, then I might have gotten more than two minutes in the penalty box for "game misconduct."
What would you have done? Would you have run down to get a new beer for me? Offered to reimburse me? Or ignored me the way this weasel did?
I know what I'll do next time. I'll bring my god dammed beer with me to the bathroom so no one will knock it over.
Go Jackets!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
They're Driving Me Crazy!
I know it isn't a long weekend by any means and I guess it could have been a three day weekend. Perhaps the snow could have fallen longer and deeper than the 3" we received and school could be cancelled tomorrow.
But what is it about the 65 hours between Friday's release of school and Monday's carpool that creates a real life version of Super Smash Brothers between my two kids? I swear they would kill each other if we weren't sitting in the same room.
Now don't get me wrong, they are great kids and I am not naive enough to think they couldn't be worse, but between the tattling, unwillingness to share, yelling, complaining, name calling and flat our meanness they are driving me crazy.
I am sure my father is smiling up in heaven and thinking "I told you so" and I know my Mom had her share of days like this. (Well, now that I think about it, as one of three boys, I am sure she had more weekends like this then I ever will.)
Oh well, school starts at 8:10am tomorrow and I have a full day of work in front of me. I am sure by the time I tuck them in tonight, all will be forgotten when they tell me they love me and I kiss them good night, right?
Right?
While the kid in this commercial is much worse than my children have ever acted, I know most parents have shared this shopper's pain.
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